Intimate Relationships Then And Now

Then being prior to 2020.

Relationships are hard. Even the best ones are hard at times. It’s possible we can attribute that to the culture itself being psychologically unhealthy. That will have to be the past.

Relationships where there are feelings of lust and love involved tend to spark worry. Fear of rejection, fear of loss, fear of betrayal seem to be triggered when we get “involved” and there are new feelings. That rush, the feeling of falling in love, is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But not so fast. Because as soon as we might carry the pot of gold into forever land, what follows is the thought of losing the gold.

When we grasp, we generate fear. In American culture, we are accustomed to getting what we want. We value possessions, even some of the sentimental old ratty ones. Once we acquire something we refer to it as “mine.” Our patriarchal culture has always allowed men to literally take women as their own, without choice. We actually have a thing called mail order brides. Pay for a wife.

Because everyone is looking for the real pot of gold, something so big we can afford to share it with everyone we meet, we will have to start doing our intimate relationships a different way.

Step 1: Resist the temptation to be possessive.

Step 2: Love yourself and your life first. Resist making your happiness about your partner or thinking your partner is responsible for your happiness.

Step 3: Stop your mind from worrying or having conversations in your head with your partner, acknowledge it and tell yourself your mind is better spent on what you love about yourself and what you are currently working to improve on.

Step 4: Be accountable for your stuff and keep your stuff around you. As hard as that can be, working on your own relationship skills and your own personal growth is the only thing that will get you the healthy, mature relationship.

Step 5: Stay true to you. Being honest with yourself and honoring your inner self will guide you through the best and the worst moments.

We will need to loosen up on the past perspectives and ideas about intimate relationships. A good starting point would be to avoid labels. We live in a culture with so many labels and so many slang labels it’s maddening that we have to compartmentalize our sexuality. Sexuality is fluid. We have always sought to define it and to make it one thing – man and woman. And that’s only because we learned to adhere to age old common language, and simple ideas. We didn’t seek to expand our language until just recently.

And that’s because of the global shift in consciousness that we are now in, as of 2020. The younger generations were born into the new energy and ideology, and that is why sexuality has become more fluid and why there have become so many attempts to put it all into terms.

The energy we have moved into says “relax.” No really, relax. You are safe. You’re safe within your love relationship and your partner or spouse will be ok. Space. There’s a calling for each person to pursue life to the fullest without competing with one another and without worrying about “what ifs.”

The real transition into enlightened relationships is when you can be happy for a lover to find and experience happiness without you. Even in the case where the relationship ends and the person goes into a fabulous new chapter of life. Being happy for the other will make us happy. We are moving away from hurt and rejection, and into support and true happiness for the wellbeing of others.

We hang on, we grasp and seek to possess because of ego. We feel the need to protect ourselves. These are the old ways, and these habits are strong and have been ingrained in us. If you’re frustrated with your relationship you are not alone and the good news is that it is a signal the old ways aren’t working now, even if they did for a long time, and we are all moving into the new energy together. And it is the energy of love without restriction and love without conditions.

Those who are looking for personal growth and those who walk the walk and inspire us to do the same will be tempted to go back to old ways. If we are single, we will be tempted by potential partners who are not looking for personal growth and who will operate in the old ideology only. If you read these essays you are not a person who can go back. You can’t unknow what you know. If you try to go back there will be a road block, you will have wasted your time.

Moving into a new way of thinking and a new way of co-creating our reality will in some ways come naturally, and in other ways it will require huge effort. It will require self discipline. The only way to light the way for others is to be the light.

Sometimes being the light is difficult. It attracts attention and people will seek to put it out. A healthy partner will not seek to put that light out. Surround yourself with other people who want to shine. Anyone who is stuck in the old way, love them without measure but don’t give away that most intimate part of you to the path that leads to the road block. There is good work to be done, your time is better spent shining your light than lurking down the same old dark roads.

Together we can move into new ways of having intimacy with the feeling of falling in love and feeling completely free. We can be who we truly are and not put rules or definitions on what we do, or what we think another should do while still having high standards on character and behavior. Meaning not everyone we love is supposed to be an intimate partner, some characters who have bad behaviors can be entertaining acquaintances.

Flirting is harmless and fun and is a good way to feel the little rush of love energy without having to make it sexual. Most flirting is not sexual, and we often miss the nuances and how often we flirt with one another. Our new and now way of relationshipping offers the freedom to flirt without jealousy. To be open to sharing energy with anyone we interact with.

In intimate relationships, it is important to have trust and honesty. Making agreements at the very start, including the agreement to be monogamous or not, are not new traditions, and even in the new and now agreements must be respected and honored.

In the new and now, we will all be used to more fluid styles of sexuality and we won’t care or question where the next person is at. We will know and come to accept that the younger generations have their fingers on the pulse of how to just vibe with one another without assigning gender roles or even having any ideas about gender roles.

It may take a while to break old patterns. Yet the new and the now requires an open mind and the ability to be flexible and adapt to change quickly. We are doing this in so many ways in our practical and personal everyday lives. It seems we will naturally carry that flexibility into our intimate lives as well.

Good luck out there!